Why Do Companies Keep Throwing My Infertility In My Face?

Hey Siri, play 'I think about it all the time' on Spotify

Charli XCX’s recent single doesn’t resonate with me as a 27 year old, like it does with a lot of women in my age group as our biological clocks tick along. 

But five years ago when I found out that I won’t be able to fall pregnant naturally, it became something I had to think about.

I was twenty two and, quite frankly, all I really thought about was the pornstar martini that was waiting for me at my local bar every Friday come 5pm. 

“Do you want kids?” wasn’t even a question I was being asked on first dates, like I am at this age. If I was ever asked once by someone when we hit third-date-territory, I would say “Yeah, I think so. Someday!” and that would suffice. 

So when I met someone who I did start dating seriously, I told them the truth. We agreed we’d work through it together, when we were ready to start thinking about having children—if we were still together at that point. 

We were practical about our relationship: we saw a future together, but we were both still more in love with weeknight happy hour deals and weekends away with our respective friend groups more than we were with one another.

Smiles don’t lie: Annual Adelaide long weekend with my best friends from university

What I did not expect was that the weight of my infertility would sink in a year later while sitting in a HR room with the COO of the company I was working for at the time. 

My annual salary review had been rejected, and both the female COO and male CEO wanted to chat with me about it personally. 

The meeting was to explain why despite my contributions to the targets we had set—and my overperformance of meeting said targets—still couldn’t warrant an extra $2000 tacked onto my annual salary. 

“You should think about your remuneration as more than just your pay,” I was told. 

“I love working here because it’s so flexible! I can leave work early to pick up the kids, there’s wonderful maternity benefits should I fall pregnant again, and I get to work from home on Wednesdays to be with my youngest,” the COO smiled.