My Parents Do Not Like Knowing Their Daughter Talks About Sex On The Internet

But I've been getting paid to do exactly that for years

When I was in university, I dreamt of moving to the United Kingdom and working for Cosmo UK.

Cosmo Australia had been discontinued when I was a teenager, and I understood why: it used to be run in a very old-school way, featuring articles like ~ how to give the perfect blow job ~ and !!! six ways to make sure your man doesn’t leave you this chistmas !!!

It was quite misogynistic, to say the least. And as a teenager who felt strongly about sexual empowerment — which includes, you know, talking about sex instead of pretending it’s some big dirty secret we should be ashamed of enjoying as women — I didn’t like what I saw on the shelves as I strolled through my local Woolworths at 19th Ave.

But online, I liked what I was reading.

I liked knowing there were other women out there like me, who had spent many years confused about their feelings towards other girls.

I liked being able to figure out ways to separate the intense feeling of attraction from the intense feeling of jealousy.

I liked understanding that some adults couldn’t talk to me about what happened to me when I was a teenager solely because it had happened to them, too.

I liked realising that even though I felt different from the people I shared physical spaces with, there were still people on computers on the other side of the world who felt just like me.

Despite these years of learning online from sites such as Cosmo UK, I still hadn’t come around to accepting my queerness during university.

Perhaps it was because I was back in my hometown after 18 months away, and I felt scared of the societal pressures I’d felt during primary and high school. Perhaps it was the internalised homophobia that I felt, growing up in a state that is referred to as “the Texas of Australia”. Perhaps it was because I was once again that scared little teenager being found sobbing in the bushes, even ten years later.

Whatever ‘it’ was, I continued to date guy after guy throughout my years at university.

…And then I’d cheat on them with girls in nightclub bathrooms.

Because it was just a fun drunken hookup, right? And the reason I wanted to move to the UK so I could work for Cosmo was just because it was a big name in a big city, right? The fact that I’d hated London when I’d visited it three days after my 18th birthday was no big deal, right?

Wrong, little Soph. So very, very wrong.

I realised just how wrong I was in 2019, when I slept with my boyfriend and his ex.

In 2019, I moved to Melbourne and met my (now) ex boyfriend, Dave. Despite the standard woes of a relationship-gone-wrong, one thing that Dave was steadfast in supporting me on was 1) my writing ability and 2) my sexuality journey.

I will always feel thankful for Dave for helping me finally feel able to say “I’m bisexual”, as I grew from a 21-year-old, fresh faced university graduate from a small town down to the big smoke that is Melbourne, and now, as I live in Edinburgh and am actively involved in the local queer scene without wondering if I belong in it. Because I do.

I’ll always be thankful to his ex, too. And for Cosmo UK, for publishing the below story in 2020. It’s the reason I officially came out to my family lol !!

Speaking of family: Mum, Dad, siblings, etc, you probably don’t want to read about me having a threesome, so exit this tab and delete this email right now <3